The Wonderings of My Heart

Have you ever pretended to someone you’re not? Maybe to make someone like you or fit in with the crowd? I know I’ve spent a good portion of my life trying to be who everyone else thought I should be. I admit it, I’m a people pleaser….as much as I hate it. I sometimes long for the “I don’t care” attitude. I’ve always imagined it would be so much easier to not worry about the things I worry about. “Did I say something to hurt someone’s feelings today? Did I make someone feel unwelcomed? Did I say or do something that will leave a detrimental impression on my son or one of my students?” Of course, those of us who do worry about things are a bullseye for Satan. He wants to tear us down and will stop at nothing to do so. He takes those worries and grows them to epic proportions that can take over our minds. I know, I’ve been there…I’ve been to some dark places in the recent past and I don’t really like where I landed. You see, I have allowed people to determine who I am. People who sh

Recently, I saw a video online where the speaker talked about how many people perceive God. He said that the way a person perceives his earthly father greatly impacts the way he perceives God. If his earthly father was caring and compassionate, that's how he sees his Heavenly Father. On the other hand, if his earthly father was very un-nuturing, then that's how he perceives God. I've been mightily blessed with my earthly father and the father of my child. My daddy is the best. I couldn't have dreamed up a better father. I have a father who instilled in me that there was or will be anything that will make him not love me, he may not always agree with everything I do but he will always love me. It was really easy for me to understand the Savior's love because of the example of my earthly father. What I've recently struggled the most with is not that God loves me no matter what, it's that this loving Father has allowed some terrible heartaches in my life over

" Now the Spirit expressly says that in latter times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to deceiving spirits and doctrines of demons" I Timothy 4:1 It seems like I've heard people talk about the great "falling away" of believers for a really long time, at least since my teenage years when I began to understand what that meant. The Lord has really laid this upon my heart. My dad is a retired pastor and we've had discussions about the "falling away" many times. It's a time when even believers will turn away from the Truth and it's a sign of the end times. In the past few years I've heard more and more people say we are in the midst of the "falling away." I've really been thinking about that lately, I don't disagree that we could be in the midst of it...it's just that I feel like believers in the church are using it as an excuse to stop ministering to people. I've seen many churches put an end to certa

“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:9-13‬ ‭KJV I’ve recited that prayer many times but I’ve been thinking...Do I really and truly mean it? Am I willing to accept what comes when I say “Thy will be done?” What if His will means heartache for me and/or my family? What if that means facing some major hardships? What if it means waiting a really long time for something the Lord promised? What if it means sacrificing everything for Him? What if His will is to move me totally outside my comfort zone and turn my life upside down? Do I really want His will to be done? Am I willing to put my human wants and desires aside to truly follow His

Raising a child is not for the faint of heart, it’s heartbreaking and the most precious blessing at the same time. We waited for what seemed like an eternity for our sweet, precious boy and ten years later I still shed tears every time I think about the Lord choosing me to be his mama. I am not the perfect mama by any means but I am the perfect mama for my sweet boy. I fail at times and don’t spend enough time with him and snap at him and fuss when he’s made a mess and the list goes on....BUT he always forgives me when I say I’m sorry. The “I’m sorry” is the important part. I don’t think any child expects perfection...it’s me that expects perfection. When Ben was a toddler I had all these expectations for myself because of the things I saw other moms post on social media. What I’ve realized is that we can make everything seem so perfect on social media and that’s not real life! Real life is your ten year old opening the silverware drawer behind you while you are putting things away i

One of my favorite memories as a teacher is of the second and third grade combination class I taught several years ago. One of the main topics in Bible was learning about the Israelites leaving Egypt and  making their way to the promised land. My precious students would get so upset and disappointed when we would read about their discontent and complaining that inevitably lead to disobedience. Many of those precious children just could not understand why those Israelites were so stubborn. “The Lord gave them manna from Heaven and I bet it tasted good, why would they complain about that? Well.....why do we complain about what the Lord has blessed us with? Right now my family is waiting, waiting on the Lord to open up doors for us. I catch myself complaining at times, asking the Lord when...when are you going to open the door you’ve promised. It’s been a very disappointing ride at times and I’m quick to want to complain because I want it NOW! This has made me think back to all those